A dreamy day on the bridge at Henham Park

The couple married a year ago – so why bother with a humanist wedding ceremony now?

There are places that get under your skin, and for me Henham Park is one of them. Especially when it’s supported by events organiser Victoria who owns In Any Event Events.

As the home of Latitude Festival, it’s where I’ve spent a week of my summer for the past twenty years, wandering over the bridge across past the lake with a drink in my hand and music pulsing across the water. So when a couple asked me to help them celebrate their on the bridge over that same lake, I’ll admit my heart did a little leap. Performing a humanist wedding ceremony there had been a dream of mine for a long time. Being asked to make it real was a gift.

Married a year, celebrating now

This couple had already been married for a year. They’d made their vows quietly, legally and privately, exactly as they wanted at the time. But as the months went by, they realised there was something still missing. They wanted to gather the people they love, all of them, in one place, and celebrate their marriage and their family together.

I love this kind of ceremony. There’s no pressure of the legal formalities hanging over the day, and no “getting it right” panic. It’s simply a chance to stand up, look around at the faces who matter most, and say: this is us, and this is what we’ve built.

When public feeling doesn’t come naturally

Here’s something I hear from couples more often than you might think: “We’re not really the type to do this kind of thing.”

Many people find it hard to show their feelings in front of others. They may be deeply in love, devoted and utterly certain of each other, yet the thought of standing in front of a crowd and saying so out loud makes them want to run for the car park. Some worry they’ll be too emotional. Some worry they won’t be emotional enough. Some simply don’t want to ‘perform’ in a way that isn’t them.

This is where a humanist ceremony comes into its own. My ceremonies are built around who you actually are. If you’re witty and understated, it can be warm and funny. If you’re private, it can be gentle and unhurried. If saying “I love you” in front of 150 people feels impossible, we find another way to say it, one that still lands with everyone listening.

The aim is that your guests recognise that this ceremony reflects the couple they know, not the fairy-tale image of the imagination. They will recognise the couple they know and love, and feel that what they’re witnessing is honest.

Getting there together

That’s why the work before the day matters as much as the ceremony itself. We talked, and then we talked some more. I listened to how they met, what makes them laugh, what they lean on each other for, and what they were nervous about. We took our time, because a ceremony that reflects a relationship can’t be rushed.

And then there was the setting. Standing on that bridge, with the lake stretching out on either side and the parkland opening up around us, surrounded by their family and friends, it felt as though the whole place had been made for the moment. Including the wheeling red kites and buzzards overhead. The natural beauty did half the work. The rest came from two people who, in front of everyone they love, let themselves be seen.

In their words

Afterwards, they sent me a message that I shall always treasure:

“You gave us time, space, patience, kindness, support, you validated what we felt by the incredible ceremony. We feel so lucky that you were our guide on this mission of ours.”

Messages like this are why I do the work. It wasn’t about a perfect performance. It was about giving two people room to be themselves and to feel that what they felt was worth celebrating.

Thinking of celebrating your own way?

If you’re married already, or planning to be, and the idea of a big public ceremony makes you nervous, please don’t let that put you off. Some of the most moving ceremonies I’ve led have been for couples who weren’t sure they could do it. Whether it’s a bridge over a lake, a village hall or your own back garden, let’s create something that feels like you.